dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
