Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
