every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
