im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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