I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
