You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
