Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
