I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
