the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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