Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
