This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
