god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Text me some of your sweat
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
