i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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