The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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