I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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