The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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