through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
