His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
