the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
