She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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