dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
nutella sex= disaster
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
