I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am puke
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
