I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
