I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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