I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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