got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
