Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
