hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
