I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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