I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
