did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
