Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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