He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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