Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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