so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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