singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
