you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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