oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
