The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
