Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
