In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
