I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you win again, gameday.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
