dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
