I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
