you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
