the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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