new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
