Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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