Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
