the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
