i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
