My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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