No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
